Newsletter #4 - Personal coaching for muddled teens?
A Star Tribune headline caught my eye. –Personal coaching for muddled teens?
Parents who are worried about struggling teens can hire a personal coach to ease the adolescent journey. This I am sure is a new and burgeoning job opportunity. Although the qualifications are unclear, I imagine some are at their wits end, and such a hireling could appear to be an answer. I am skeptical however. I don’t know that a personal trainer can help a struggling adolescent who is need of inner assurance, inner self direction and inner acceptance. I do know that such strengths emerge when a personal trainer is a part of child’s growing up. I watched a father walk his child into the Family Center this morning. They were holding hands as they gingerly crossed the icy tundra of our parking lot. I think if asked, he would have said, he was his daughter’s personal trainer and coach. When Elizabeth was young, she heard about a young girl who received $1000 to buy clothes for school. The mother had encouraged her to bring back a few hundred dollars. Elizabeth was thrilled. I told her to forget it. She had me. Together we would figure out the maze of school shopping. Through the years, I kept showing up. I needed to know how she came and went from school events. I attended all of the school conferences with her. She didn’t like that much. I told her I had to go as it was in my parent job description. I needed to meet the young men picking her up on a Friday night. I needed to have her attend family events. I needed both children to attend Family Meetings and participate in our family work. They hoped I would tire of this. I did. My children got in the way of my life. I however kept showing up. Truth was they were teaching me about life.
Parents need to be there for their children from the beginning. Parents are "strong"at home teachers "strong" coaches and personal trainers. Parents need to help children learn how to follow instructions, deal with frustration, trial and error. Home, according to Harriet Beecher Stowe, is the back room, the learning rehearsal place for much of life’s front stage events. Home is where winning and losing are practiced. Home is where lessons about I love you no matter what and care, persistence and loyalty are modeled. At the table in the home, teaching thank you and please is what a parent personal trainer does. In the home, room clean up, homework finishing and birthday parties are a part of family living. The home is the work out room- the training center for the rest of your life.
Good parent coaches talk about clear expectations, and assure routines are part of everyday. Good parent coaches encourage their children in the face of both success and failure. An available top-notch trainer as a child is growing up establishes a positive climate where children feel warmth, acceptance and support. Mark Swiggum, an excellent teacher, believes the most important piece of furniture in the home should be a round wooden table with enough chairs for every family member to sit. This is the table where discussions about the tough stuff occur. This is the table where prayers, I love you and I am scared can be shared. The more time spent around such a table, the less time would be needed in the yellow pages trying to find a personal coach for a muddled teenager. Children who sit at tables with caring adults believe they are not alone. A personal trainer arrived the day they were born and signed up for the long haul. Now that should be every child’s birthright. No outsider need apply.
Parents who are worried about struggling teens can hire a personal coach to ease the adolescent journey. This I am sure is a new and burgeoning job opportunity. Although the qualifications are unclear, I imagine some are at their wits end, and such a hireling could appear to be an answer. I am skeptical however. I don’t know that a personal trainer can help a struggling adolescent who is need of inner assurance, inner self direction and inner acceptance. I do know that such strengths emerge when a personal trainer is a part of child’s growing up. I watched a father walk his child into the Family Center this morning. They were holding hands as they gingerly crossed the icy tundra of our parking lot. I think if asked, he would have said, he was his daughter’s personal trainer and coach. When Elizabeth was young, she heard about a young girl who received $1000 to buy clothes for school. The mother had encouraged her to bring back a few hundred dollars. Elizabeth was thrilled. I told her to forget it. She had me. Together we would figure out the maze of school shopping. Through the years, I kept showing up. I needed to know how she came and went from school events. I attended all of the school conferences with her. She didn’t like that much. I told her I had to go as it was in my parent job description. I needed to meet the young men picking her up on a Friday night. I needed to have her attend family events. I needed both children to attend Family Meetings and participate in our family work. They hoped I would tire of this. I did. My children got in the way of my life. I however kept showing up. Truth was they were teaching me about life.
Parents need to be there for their children from the beginning. Parents are "strong"at home teachers "strong" coaches and personal trainers. Parents need to help children learn how to follow instructions, deal with frustration, trial and error. Home, according to Harriet Beecher Stowe, is the back room, the learning rehearsal place for much of life’s front stage events. Home is where winning and losing are practiced. Home is where lessons about I love you no matter what and care, persistence and loyalty are modeled. At the table in the home, teaching thank you and please is what a parent personal trainer does. In the home, room clean up, homework finishing and birthday parties are a part of family living. The home is the work out room- the training center for the rest of your life.
Good parent coaches talk about clear expectations, and assure routines are part of everyday. Good parent coaches encourage their children in the face of both success and failure. An available top-notch trainer as a child is growing up establishes a positive climate where children feel warmth, acceptance and support. Mark Swiggum, an excellent teacher, believes the most important piece of furniture in the home should be a round wooden table with enough chairs for every family member to sit. This is the table where discussions about the tough stuff occur. This is the table where prayers, I love you and I am scared can be shared. The more time spent around such a table, the less time would be needed in the yellow pages trying to find a personal coach for a muddled teenager. Children who sit at tables with caring adults believe they are not alone. A personal trainer arrived the day they were born and signed up for the long haul. Now that should be every child’s birthright. No outsider need apply.
