Newsletter #5 - Emerging Butterflies
I believe many lessons are learned during difficult times. I often have said during times of turmoil, “My, we are going to learn from this.” We learn from frustration and pain. Without struggle we become weak, unsure and eventually without clarity of vision.
A fine illustration comes from a story told by Catherine Feste who wrote the book The Physician Within. The story is about a man who raised butterflies as a hobby. He was so touched by the difficulties they had in emerging from the cocoon that once, out of mistaken kindness, he split a cocoon with his thumbnail so that the tine inmate could escape without a struggle. That butterfly was never able to use its wings.
When Heather graduated, the 3,000 who attended commencement cheered, smiled, and congratulated their own butterflies. As Heather strode confidently across the stage, I remembered the years she had shoved against us, checking to see if we really meant “no.” I recalled saying “We don’t do it that way. Our value system will not allow that to happen. It is our way to have conversations during dinner not stare at a screen. It is our way to lift a candle at dinner even if it isn’t Thanksgiving.” We have spent a million hours holding steady. We have disagreed, shouted, cried and hugged. We have always avoided silence. We kept saying “We believe in you. We are here for you. We cannot let that happen. Not until you finish your chores. You will be responsible for that debt. Not until your homework is finished. We realize others don’t have to…but you do.”
Parenting is a constant reevaluation of the ever-changing cocoon. Children emerge from many cocoons as they age. The parent’s job is to pay attention to each stage and cherish the ever-changing flight patterns. Many of us at the graduation were wearing freshly starched shirts covering up our well-used, well-worn cocoon structures. Our children were glorious in their flight, however.
To contact Ada here.
A fine illustration comes from a story told by Catherine Feste who wrote the book The Physician Within. The story is about a man who raised butterflies as a hobby. He was so touched by the difficulties they had in emerging from the cocoon that once, out of mistaken kindness, he split a cocoon with his thumbnail so that the tine inmate could escape without a struggle. That butterfly was never able to use its wings.
When Heather graduated, the 3,000 who attended commencement cheered, smiled, and congratulated their own butterflies. As Heather strode confidently across the stage, I remembered the years she had shoved against us, checking to see if we really meant “no.” I recalled saying “We don’t do it that way. Our value system will not allow that to happen. It is our way to have conversations during dinner not stare at a screen. It is our way to lift a candle at dinner even if it isn’t Thanksgiving.” We have spent a million hours holding steady. We have disagreed, shouted, cried and hugged. We have always avoided silence. We kept saying “We believe in you. We are here for you. We cannot let that happen. Not until you finish your chores. You will be responsible for that debt. Not until your homework is finished. We realize others don’t have to…but you do.”
Parenting is a constant reevaluation of the ever-changing cocoon. Children emerge from many cocoons as they age. The parent’s job is to pay attention to each stage and cherish the ever-changing flight patterns. Many of us at the graduation were wearing freshly starched shirts covering up our well-used, well-worn cocoon structures. Our children were glorious in their flight, however.
To contact Ada here.
