Important To Show Up

I know events are ripe with opportunities to learn life lessons. I am a student and continue to learn.

The Saturday walk was both aimless and meandering through a quiet neighborhood. The walk wasn’t about exercise but listening and connecting with my friend as she shared her struggle. Her 27-year-old son had moved home. He was no longer able to care for himself as AIDS ravaged his body. The latest medical report revealed the deterioration of the brain stem. Her son was having trouble walking. His speech had changed and he could not remember messages. Her son had come home to die.

A few weeks later, dear friends in California called. They were both in their late 80’s. Their daughter, age 62, had died. “We lost our baby,” they wept. “It is not supposed to be this way. We are not supposed to bury our Joy.” Children are supposed to outlive their parents. I think Cele and Duane’s future dimmed permanently after they buried their daughter.

Monday, a child came running up to me. “It’s my birthday on Sunday. I will be 12. I am so excited.” The mother walked up to me. “We have planned a happy time at the local amusement park. The babysitter has planned prizes and has tickets for all of the rides.” I commented on how that was going to be a busy day. The mother said, “I won’t be able to attend the birthday party. I have a meeting. The meeting has been scheduled for quite awhile and getting these people together is so difficult. I was shocked. “It is her birthday. I believe she thinks being 12 is significant.” I think children think parents should attend birthday parties.

I remember overhearing a conversation at an airport. An elegantly attired couple, were astonished that the school social worker had contacted them. Their son had told the school staff that there is never anyone home. The social worker was investigating. The affluent parents were quite annoyed. They explained quite loudly, “The nanny has been there ever since he came home from the hospital. “ I really think the 5th grader meant what he had said. There wasn’t anyone home.

Last week I spent 5 days in the Intensive Care Unit of Fairview Southdale Hospital. I occupied the same chair in the family lounge, became acquainted with many nurses, and walked many halls carrying my five-month-old grand daughter.

Intensive Care Family Lounge

One waits.
One paces.
One watches a slow moving clock.

Continue to breathe.
Continue to hope.
Continue to bear witness.

At the end of the fifth day, our son in law was released with a hopeful prognosis. I left late in the afternoon, noticing how someone else had quietly taken ownership of my chair.


The life lesson is simple. I thought of my friends and their tears. I know that feeling of “empty.” I believe attending birthday parties, soccer games, Sunday dinners, picnics and garage cleaning Saturdays matter. I believe there is great value in showing up and being present. Take time to be with those you cherish. Take time to be accountable – and to be counted.

Have you noticed how many have time to show up at a funeral whatever time or day it is held? Snatch now moments - now moments matter.

A Child's Perspective Matters

Children have a big job. They need to teach adults important life lessons. Children have a different view – a whole other mindscape. During a family vacation, two-year-old Ella carefully wrapped her stuffed bear in a blanket, grabbed a small doll and headed down a path through the woods. Ella’s parents are observant and quickly chased her down. Her father explained to Ella she was not to leave the cabin alone. Ella looked at her father and then at her stuffed bear and doll. “ I wasn’t alone Daddy. I had two friends with me.”

The adoring grandparents live in Minneapolis. The grandson lives in Oregon. With great regularity, using a spiffy technological gadget, the grandparents can have lengthy conversations with the grandson via computer. The little boy sits in front of the computer, able to look and talk at length with his grandma and grandpa. The grandparents can see their grandson on their computer. Recently grandma flew to Oregon in need of a face to face meeting and long awaited hugs. As she walked into the home, her grandson came running. “Mommy! Mommy! Someone let grandma out of the box. Grandpa lives there alone now.”

A few Sundays ago Jack cleared things up for me. We often go on adventure walks. A pond near our home is filled with turtles, frogs, ducks, and bugs. Jack and I like to snoop around the pond after Sunday dinner. I take my grandmother role quite seriously. I was busy explaining important scientific truths. I talked about the water coming down the gutter. We then followed the water down the side of the street and observed how it would flow into the pond. We crawled around the large concrete pipe through which the water flows. We always carry plastic bags to clean up any trash before it gets to the pond. I talked about ducks and migration and ecology. I told Jack everything important from a grandmother’s perspective.

That’s when Jack picked up a long stick that had dropped from a nearby tree. “ Grandma,” he said. “I need this stick. I am going to catch clouds with it.”
The rest of the walk we talked about clouds and what unusual shapes they had. The rest of the walk Jack shared what he saw with me.

Brian Andreas said, “ Most people don’t know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don’t get too comfortable and fall asleep and miss your life.” I think children are those angels. Listen to children. Be sure to stay tuned.