Parent Education and Parent Involvement in Education and Child Development - Ada Speaks

The days go slowly but the years fly by.

Core Values in your Kitchen, Yard, and Car

Ada Alden Ed.D.

For the core values of caring, honesty, integrity, respect, and trust to be understood and practiced they need to be part of everyone's everyday, in the kitchen, on the lawn, while running errands in the car.

Children are in school 9% of the time; other "teachers" fill the remaining 91% of their lives. We know that at-home messages are powerful and long term. We also know that children do not learn merely by reading beliefs hanging on the wall. Children are quick to connect attitude and behaviors. They comment when actions do not match mandates. We know children are always watching what, when and how parents live their values.

The trouble with core values is just that...they need to be core. Core values are not some external, tangible commodity. To exist and function, they need to be what breathing is to life.

Living core values is a lifetime choice. I think John Lennon wrote, " Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Will we choose to devote our energies to constructing a house but neglect what it needs to become a home?

Children get mixed up when daily family life clashes with what parents say they value. Many adults tell their children that they value love and relationships, but are too busy being busy to take time for those relationships.

What do caring, honesty, integrity respect, and trust look like in a home?

I see a home filled with I love yous, hugs and affirmations. People listen to one another. There is time for family meetings during which individual family members share their goals, worries, frustrations and celebrations. Name-calling, sarcasm and hitting are avoided. Everyone is responsible for family work and family fun is shared.

Respect is valuing privacy, avoiding gossip and communicating without secrecy. Trust develops over the long haul; while not available as a quick fix at the take-out window, trust prevails when parents say "I will be there" and they are, day after day after day. Integrity exists when parents are consistent with rules, praise and consequences. Honesty abounds in homes where adults are mature enough to recognize that they need to be friendly adults, not the child's best friend. Care is demonstrated by cheerleading as family members chase dreams.

Time is critical. It is spent with one another, not avoiding one another. Time is shared so all feel safe emotionally and physically. Time for listening is a priority. Core values are present in a home in which individuals handle themselves with their heads, and others with their hearts. Preaching core values is not effective. Practicing and living them is. Dr. Ada Alden's book, Parenting on Purpose: Red Yellow Green Framework for Respectful Discipline offers a common sense approach to nurturing families' core values.