Ada Alden Ed.D

My four year old grandson Jack and I went to a basketball game. We went because his uncle (my son in law) is coaching a team of 9th grade boys. We went to cheer. Jack and I sat at the far end of the court a few feet from the basket. I regaled him with what little knowledge I have about basketball. When I played, girls were only allowed to play half court. I believe there was a concern about being too sweaty and being unable to sustain sufficient energy for a full court performance. At the time, those were the rules and I soon left basketball for tennis where I was allowed to play the whole court on my side of the net. Jack is wonderfully curious and listened attentively as I described the role of the coach. I talked about practice, reassurance, guidance, and support. We watched Jack's Uncle Jeff who quietly observed his players during the game and shared insights when they were in the huddle. Jack grinned when his uncle greeted him with a grin and a thumbs up. Jack was delighted our arrival was so welcomed.

We talked about the two men wearing black and white striped shirts who ran up and down the court during the play blowing whistles. Jack has watched his mother play soccer and knows about referees running up and down the pitch waving red and yellow cards. I told him about basketball rules and the importance of fair play. I told him how the referees were in charge of the fair play and assuring good sportsmanship was part of the experience. Jack cheered whenever the team in the white jerseys made a basket. We talked about players who ran and dribbled well. I pointed out players who appeared to have a sense not only of the game but also the positions of other players.

Jack stared at the parents of the two teams seated against an adjacent wall. He noticed the yelling, grunting, and slamming of feet. After a few moments, Jack looked up at me and said, "Grandma, I think those fathers are acting like they are wearing black and white striped shirts and have whistles to blow." He was right of course.

As a parent educator in a school district, I can't help but believe if we are clear on our roles and responsibilities as adults, our children will have helpful role models to emulate. Confusion reigns in many places beyond the basketball court.

Ada Alden's book, Parenting on Purpose: Red Yellow Green Framework for Respectful Discipline, helps clarify a parent’s role and responsibilities.